Short Journal Update.

My life is kinda full with stuff right now and I feel like the time itself is slipping through my hands. So fast that I almost can´t grap it anymore.
Like in an hour I need to go to sleep again meaning the day is gone, a new one is starting just as boring and stupid as the previous one.
School is the biggest "time thief" right now. I mean for 5 hours or so you sit in that stupid building listening to some teacher scribbling down things.
It´s not much and that´s the thing. When you have vacations you can do so many more different things, your days appear to last much longer which is good.
Maybe it´s the stress right now. The last tests before Abitur are comming up and I need to kinda Ace them or otherwise I´ll fail the class.

Yeah I'm a lazy crow I know >v<
At least I attend class every freakin day not like certain other people in my class which simply disgusts me.


I try at least, I also try to write meaning I will post the first chapter of my latest story project here soon.
It´s going through the last phases right now.

As a little teaser I`d like to post this little excerpt of one of the main character's diary entry (in fact his first diary entry ever).
Those who had read "Virginity" might see a few parallels to the excerpt.
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Sunday.

Never wrote into a diary before...I don't know where to start but...maybe I'll jsut write?
Who's going to read this anyways?

So yeah.
It was sunday again. What a horrible day. I hate it even more than mondays.
I know, people keep telling me that it's actually one of the best days of the week. No work, you can sleep out and for a brief time even the television program can be decent.
But this day just proved why I dislike it so much.
I slept really bad and had a strange dream so I already awoke with an enormous headache.
Normally I only dream of me getting into my car, driving down into the business district, taking the elevator up to the CDI departement, or the „ paper hell “ as we like to call it, and kinda do my job. Nothing special and I'm glad for that.
But last night it was more that I was stuck in some kind of black box just about the size of my apartement and from somewhere far away I hear a telephone ringing. I wanted to locate the noise so that I could hang that stupid thing up. But since it was all black I couldn't see a thing.
Then suddenly there was a light just a few foot before me. It appeared to came from the ceiling and illuminate that strange monster thing beneath it. From what I can remember it looked rather intimidating, sharp teeth, blazing eyes and stuff like that. Maybe because I watched that low-budget Monster film yesterday. They had a similiar thing in it and as far as I know do dreams consist of things you experience in your day.
Anyways I awoke from it pretty fast but tried to keep sleeping on which I couldn´t, 'cause a few more minutes later I opend my eyes and noticed that it was this horrible day again.
The digital clock said that it was still around 8 o'clock in the morning so I started cursing a lot but immediatly went to the window to get a relieving smoke
(I know I should stop. But when the day already begins so badly it doesn't matter to make it even worse.).
As I saw my own eye-bags again reality also told me that I should get more sleep.
The last few weeks were more than just exhausting. They were almost impossible to stand through. The crime rate in our very city is just as high as always, and we are loosing even more personal because it´s getting too much for them. Thank god that I at least seem to have enough stamina for this but I feel how extreme the pressure is.
Why am I doing this then? I guess because of my father's influence?.
Now he's six feet under and we aren't even one step further.
Uhm
I had a plate of scrambeled eggs and two cups of coffee for breakfast later I decided to lean back in my father's old leather seat and to pick a book out of my collection of romantic novels and let myself drift into a world which seemed to be better than this one. I admit that it's a strange hobby to collect these, but I always prefered to read about the love of others than to be reminded that I'm still a single.
Although I'm in fact a bit afraid that I wouldn't be able to give my potential family the right amount of care and attachement. My work would just be inbetween me and them and before I have to suffer the pain of braking up with someone or even getting divorced I simply just don't begin with all this in the first place.
I feel a bit lonely. Sometimes.
That's why I'm now more interested if Mary can get the trust of Dr. Heidenreich so they'll start making out with eachother and she get that job as a Nurse so she could feed her small daughter, she has from her former boyfriend who ran away.

Then someone had to call me with someone I mean Hulbert of course.
Yeah it was Hulbert again. I mean it was sunday, right? But I guess that was also the reason why he had to call.

Somekind of a strange double-murder, right in the middle of the business district., he said and that he should come and take a look at this. And yes he actually knew that it was sunday.
I asked why it would be that interesting so he replied that those two guys were actually well known to the police.I forgot to which group they belonged to, though. There are too many.

I have to admit. It's a kinda good thing that I started this. My therapist suggested it, to overcome my
burn-out syndrome. He said that I should start writing this to get „a new sight on the worlds“ or to“ make yourself thoughts about certain things in your life“.

Never felt that I was really that depressed by work but well that brakedown last week proved me wrong.
Besides I´m taking some medication now and I kinda think that it did work today.

But when I think about the day...it wasn´t that bad. I mean counted from 6 o'clock upwards it was pretty ok. Spent the whole day at the departement again and stuff. At least I didn´t get bored.

But since we are still working on it so I guess I'll better get some sleep now and finish this later...



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